October 21, 2011

I finally made it to the doctor yesterday. He ordered x-rays for my back. He is convince that my problem is my sacroiliac joint. He did say there is a chance that it was something I was born with. The x-rays will tell him if it is a bone issue or not. He also had me redo my thyroid level blood test. Two months ago when I took it, it was low enough to cause him to want to put me on a thyroid hormone. However, he says that the thyroid level tend to go low or go high then be normal other days. 


He also put in a request for me to get an ultrasound of my gallbladder. He put in the first request in August but I never received a call to make the appointment. I am going to give them a week to call me, if I havent gotten the call I am to call my doctor and he will sit it up his self. 


Nick is thinking about crossing over to the Coast Guard. He has said that if he does we can start trying to have a baby. He still hasn't made up his mind yet. If he goes into the Coast Guard he gets to keep everything he has now. He would not be on sea duty or deployments longer than 4 months, and he could be in the Guard for 20 years without every going to sea duty or on a deployment. The only down said he can find is that he would still have to get up before the sun rise to go to work. I told him I will support him in whatever he decides but if he decides not to and the only reason he has is what time he has to get up, then I can't support that. 


Now that I'm 21 Nick really wants me to drink. I keep telling him I am not going to, not even once or try a sip. He keeps bugging me about it so I told him that I will when, something we both know wont happen for at least another 5 years, happens. 


Other than that the past few days have been okay. Nothing to big happened. 

October 17, 2011- My 21st Birthday!!

Hey everyone!
Things are going fine. I am only months away from getting my BA and Nick is only months away from getting out of the Navy. As of right now, we are sticking to our decision to stay in Virginia until Nick is out of school, at least.

Over the weekend Janet, Bill, Jason, Ashley, and Hannah came down. We all had fun and you could tell that Jason and Ashley were clean. I just hope it's for good and wasn't just for show.

Julia, my sister, is really loving school. She is just having issue trying to stay friends with people from High School. A lot of them, including teachers have been making fun of her for well following her dreams. Even Mr Boothe makes fun of her, now he is suppose to be her friend and preacher. They made fun of her for going to beauty school because "noone gets their hair done any more" and for starting in the summer time. It is to the point now where she is out to prove them wrong. She really has grown up.

Today is my 21st birthday. Done nothing but watch my faviorte movies all day. Nick seems to think he is going to get me drunk one day now, but I have told him it will never happen. Of course, having that conversation causes me to stop and think about things like why I am so against me having fun. I won't even go to a dance club. I start thinking am I too responsible, why can't I lossen up every now and then, why do I always have to be stressed and be a goodie goodie. Even in high school. I always did what was asked, never came home late. But then Nick reminds me all that makes me who I am.

I would say overall I had a nice birthday. Considering my husband has duty today and it is a Monday, but then I realized, that the most people you expect to tell you "Happy Birthday" every year, did not tell me this year. Now I'm just sitting here wondering why they didn't wish me a happy birthday. Is something wrong with them, did I do something wrong, did they forget, what? Probably wouldn't be so bad if this group of people did not include my parents, sister and grandmother.

Today

Today is not a good day. A lot of thoughts that are bugging me and I know when Nick gets home he is going to ask what's wrong. If I say nothing he will keep poking, but if I tell him he will get mad, upset, and then feel bad because he doesn't know what to do. I was suppose to go to the doctor today but I canceled it because I was told we had to go to the bank to talk to the loan advisor about a mortgage. My appointment was at 430 the bank closes at 5. So I thought it would be best. So I tell Nick and next thing I know I'm getting yelled at for canceling it, and being told that I will be doing all the driving from now on. That all pissed me off. There was no way to know for sure if we would get out of the doctors in time. Yes, he could have gone to the bank and I to the doctor but we both had to be at the bank. Then for him to say I will be doing all the driving from now on when he knows I can't. I get panic attacks when I drive so I chose not to drive. For now, it's fine I don't have a job or go anywhere during the day while Nick is at work and anywhere I go in the evening Nick goes. So I feel like yelling and crying but all that would do is make things worse. Because I would say something else that would piss him off and it would get worse from there until one of us gives in. 


Of course, I could just be over emotionally today. It wouldn't surprise me. I've had my period for two weeks now and that alone makes me want to cry and yell. I think I just need a vacation.