October 21, 2011

I finally made it to the doctor yesterday. He ordered x-rays for my back. He is convince that my problem is my sacroiliac joint. He did say there is a chance that it was something I was born with. The x-rays will tell him if it is a bone issue or not. He also had me redo my thyroid level blood test. Two months ago when I took it, it was low enough to cause him to want to put me on a thyroid hormone. However, he says that the thyroid level tend to go low or go high then be normal other days. 


He also put in a request for me to get an ultrasound of my gallbladder. He put in the first request in August but I never received a call to make the appointment. I am going to give them a week to call me, if I havent gotten the call I am to call my doctor and he will sit it up his self. 


Nick is thinking about crossing over to the Coast Guard. He has said that if he does we can start trying to have a baby. He still hasn't made up his mind yet. If he goes into the Coast Guard he gets to keep everything he has now. He would not be on sea duty or deployments longer than 4 months, and he could be in the Guard for 20 years without every going to sea duty or on a deployment. The only down said he can find is that he would still have to get up before the sun rise to go to work. I told him I will support him in whatever he decides but if he decides not to and the only reason he has is what time he has to get up, then I can't support that. 


Now that I'm 21 Nick really wants me to drink. I keep telling him I am not going to, not even once or try a sip. He keeps bugging me about it so I told him that I will when, something we both know wont happen for at least another 5 years, happens. 


Other than that the past few days have been okay. Nothing to big happened. 

October 17, 2011- My 21st Birthday!!

Hey everyone!
Things are going fine. I am only months away from getting my BA and Nick is only months away from getting out of the Navy. As of right now, we are sticking to our decision to stay in Virginia until Nick is out of school, at least.

Over the weekend Janet, Bill, Jason, Ashley, and Hannah came down. We all had fun and you could tell that Jason and Ashley were clean. I just hope it's for good and wasn't just for show.

Julia, my sister, is really loving school. She is just having issue trying to stay friends with people from High School. A lot of them, including teachers have been making fun of her for well following her dreams. Even Mr Boothe makes fun of her, now he is suppose to be her friend and preacher. They made fun of her for going to beauty school because "noone gets their hair done any more" and for starting in the summer time. It is to the point now where she is out to prove them wrong. She really has grown up.

Today is my 21st birthday. Done nothing but watch my faviorte movies all day. Nick seems to think he is going to get me drunk one day now, but I have told him it will never happen. Of course, having that conversation causes me to stop and think about things like why I am so against me having fun. I won't even go to a dance club. I start thinking am I too responsible, why can't I lossen up every now and then, why do I always have to be stressed and be a goodie goodie. Even in high school. I always did what was asked, never came home late. But then Nick reminds me all that makes me who I am.

I would say overall I had a nice birthday. Considering my husband has duty today and it is a Monday, but then I realized, that the most people you expect to tell you "Happy Birthday" every year, did not tell me this year. Now I'm just sitting here wondering why they didn't wish me a happy birthday. Is something wrong with them, did I do something wrong, did they forget, what? Probably wouldn't be so bad if this group of people did not include my parents, sister and grandmother.

Today

Today is not a good day. A lot of thoughts that are bugging me and I know when Nick gets home he is going to ask what's wrong. If I say nothing he will keep poking, but if I tell him he will get mad, upset, and then feel bad because he doesn't know what to do. I was suppose to go to the doctor today but I canceled it because I was told we had to go to the bank to talk to the loan advisor about a mortgage. My appointment was at 430 the bank closes at 5. So I thought it would be best. So I tell Nick and next thing I know I'm getting yelled at for canceling it, and being told that I will be doing all the driving from now on. That all pissed me off. There was no way to know for sure if we would get out of the doctors in time. Yes, he could have gone to the bank and I to the doctor but we both had to be at the bank. Then for him to say I will be doing all the driving from now on when he knows I can't. I get panic attacks when I drive so I chose not to drive. For now, it's fine I don't have a job or go anywhere during the day while Nick is at work and anywhere I go in the evening Nick goes. So I feel like yelling and crying but all that would do is make things worse. Because I would say something else that would piss him off and it would get worse from there until one of us gives in. 


Of course, I could just be over emotionally today. It wouldn't surprise me. I've had my period for two weeks now and that alone makes me want to cry and yell. I think I just need a vacation. 

9/29/2011

Sorry I haven't been on in a while. A lot of things going on. I will be finished will college in January. Nick is getting out of the Navy in March. We recently made the decision to stay here in Virginia, instead of going back home to Ohio. So we are looking at houses. We have came down to two homes, and we will be making the decision on which on tomorrow. We both survived Nicks first and last deployment. The day he came home was bitter sweet. I got to the base an hour before his ship was to come in. Then when I seen his ship I got goose bumps and started crying. I got so excited. I just melted in his arms.

While he was gone I was able to lose another 10 pounds. I also did something that I never done before. I highlighted my hair. I asked for caramel but they came out blond. I have never done more than cut or perm my hair.


I love my husband so much. He has helped me deal with things, that I probably would never have dealt with without him. Just last night we were talking about our friends and how I only have girl friends. I never talk to any guys other than my husband, unless those guys are his friends and he is around. My husband could not understand it. That was when I had to admit to myself that because what happened between my parents my Senior year of high school I made the decision to stay as far away from men who were not my husband. He also helped me realize that what happened that year still haunts me. Between that and the issues I went though as a child, health wise, physically, mentally, and emotionally, I cannot forgive my parents and pretend that everything is okay and never happened. Especially recently. I opened up my apartment to my parents this summer, and how did they repay me? By stealing the real opal birthstone ring my grandfather gave me right before he died. They thought they had gotten away with it since I do not wear it besides on special occasions. When I told them that it was gone, they admitted to taking it and pawning it. 


So yet again I am stressed. Between the school work, finding a house, my normal every day duties, and the crap my parents keep putting me though, I am having a hard time trying to find peace. If it wasn't for my husband and the wise, kind words of a few good cousins I do not know what I would do. 

March

Well this has been an interesting month. Nick was to transfer to the USS Barry later this month, but their plans changed and caused him to have to leave on the 11th. Today is the 13th and he is stuck on a base in Italy because his ship cannot get to him for another week or two. Luckily, his parents came down at last minute to see him and they took us to the airport. Let me tell you something, saying goodbye was the hardest thing ever. Sure we have said goodbye when he left for boot camp, and A school and every time he came home before we were married but this time was so much harder. We have spent every day and night together for the last 2 years, and now we have to go 4-6 months with hardly even talking. His family is expecting me to stay strong, not cry, and hold everything together, but it is very hard. However, now that I am thinking it would be nice to have someone to go to when I feel weak, but I know I can do 4-6 months. I'll just cry like a baby when he gets back.

His mother, Janet, asked me to go back to Ohio for a while to help her. She is having a hip replacement done and will need someone there all the time. Bill, her husband, can't take that amount of time off without getting fired. So, I accepted. My parents are coming down in April to pick me up and I will stay until at least June. Our rent is an allotment, and all our other bills I can pay online. So, my husband and I both thought why not. It would save us money&make his family feel better knowing someone is there for his mother. Of course, someone will come to the apartment to make sure everything is okay.

My sister turned 18 today and has made her statement about none of my parents rules applying to her anymore. My parents wont stand up to her. So I told them I do not want to hear them complaining.

School is going fine. I started doubling up. So these two classes I am taking now are my 7th and 8th class with Ashford. I am working very hard to lose weight. I will find out in the next week or two what my progress has been. I've decided not to pay attention to the number on the scale. Instead, I am paying attention to my body fat measurements.

January 2011

Hello everyone!!
Today is our 2 year wedding anniversary!! We are not doing anything special. Just spending the day together. Nick has found out he will be going to a different ship in March, and will be underway for 4-5 months starting in March. Nothing is really happening with us this month. We got new neighbors upstairs who insist on leaving their dogs out on the balcony 24/7. So their dogs are peeing and pooping out there. And now we can not go out on our balcony without worrying about getting peed on, and that is if you can stand the smell. I did not think that after 3 days of that, it would smell as bad as it does. We have went to the front office about it 2 times. The first time they sent them a letter and we were the second people to complain about their dogs. The last time they sent someone to talk to them and check everything out. I don't think the person has visited them yet because nothing has changed. This week is full of nice sunny days, where I can open up windows and the sliding door. But now I can't unless I want the whole apartment to smell of dog pee.

We found out that a friend of ours is going to have a baby. Which is a surprise because he had always said marriage was for crazy people but then he got married. Now 2-3 months later, they are having a baby. I can not see this guy as a father, but he will be a great father.

Other than that not much else is happening. I'll update next month.

Happy New Year's

Hello everyone!
As you all know we went to Ohio for New Year's. We got back last night, so today will be spent unpacking and sitting up all our new gifts. We had told our families not to send us our Christmas gifts, we would open them there. His parents got us the attachments to make our PS3 and PS3 move. We also got some video games for it, picture frames, PJ's, and clothes. My parents got us some new towels for the bathroom and kitchen, some measuring cups for the kitchen, a pillow pet, and a snuggie. Poor Nick, ended up with 2 snuggies. My mom got him one then his parents got him one. We got gifts for those who told us what they wanted. My mom got Donkey Kong Country Returns for the wii, my sister a 25 dollar gift card, his mother got a necklace, sister-in-law got a purse, his brother got a LED flashlight/lighter key chain and a "I support zombies" magnet, we got their daughter a pillow pet, and for his dad we got him some camo mittens.

We had a good time. I got to see my best friend/cousin who I haven't seen since graduation, because every time I'm in town she's at school and she knows how I am. School comes first. I also got to see my aunt who I hadn't seen since May 2009. Other than that I seen the same people I always do. Nick however, seen the same people just less than usually. His one friend who is over at his parents like every day when we are in town, is moving into his own house so when he wasn't working he was packing or cleaning. His other friend came over twice, and bought his 3 year old daughter with him every time, but that did not stop him for walking her in then walking out. Without even asking if me or my mother-in-law would watch her. However, he works two jobs so he wasn't able to come over as often. It just upsets me that his family and friends, who have kids think that because we are in town and don't have kids of our own, that means we or just myself will watch their kid anytime of any day. If we say no we are bad friends, if we say yes we can't go do what we want.

Well I am going to get off of here and try to fix my hair then unpack and stuff.